I LOVE YOU

Wow, Ella has been home for four months now! She is completely recovered from surgery and from a physical stand point is 100%. Her pink lips and fingers still catch my attention. Frequent doctors visits will remain a part of our immediate lives but after a year should really taper off.
I LOVE YOU. Those words are muttered daily by all Hammond family members to each other. Yep, Ella now tells us she loves us with words in addition to signing. I will never forget all of us sitting at the dinner table when Colin told me he loves me. A minute later we all hear Ella say “Jia love Da.” Pause … shock and silence from the rest of us. Then with her cute little voice comes “Jia love Colin, Jia love Carleigh, Jia love Ma”, as she pointed to each of us. I have to say that I began to cry at the sound of Jia love Da and then tears were streaming once she covered the whole family. Praises to God! What a great memory. Several times a day little Miss Ella comes over, gently touches my leg, looks up at me and says “love you, ma.”
Music to our ears and above, are the prayers that come from a beautiful, dark headed little angle who is just learning to speak English. As a family, we pray before meals and at bedtime. Colin prays regularly and while we have attempted in the past to have Ella repeat us in prayer, we were met with much resistance and so, backed off. Two weeks ago while putting the kids to bed; Paul asked Ella if she wanted to pray. She almost always says “yes” but then nothing comes out of her mouth so we just pause and then continue. This time was different. Ella in her soft, high pitched voice says “Thank you for Colin, Carleigh and Mommy and Daddy” There it is, a masterpiece by anybody’s standards. I wasn’t there to experience that first prayer myself but now hear them daily. Ella asks to pray at meal time and always offers an evening prayer. Whoever thought in only four months we would hear the words “Ella turn pray God – K?” We often pray for the neighbors so Ella’s prayers always include us and usually some of the 7 Flint’s who live next door as well.
Speaking of neighbors, Ella had her first play date all by herself this week!! This is monumental for us. Except for Sunday school, Ella has never been anywhere without at least one family member to accompany her. When asked if she wanted to go next door and play she responded with enthusiasm and excitement. I explained in our broken sentence code that I wasn’t going, Colin wasn’t going and Carleigh isn’t going, only Ella. I also explained that Ella will come home later and sleep in her own bed after playing. While this may seem obvious – it isn’t to her. We do a lot of accounting for who is leaving and who is staying in our house at Ella’s prompting. She repeated back to me that she will go and then come back and I offered assurance. Then to my delight she hurriedly put on shoes and her coat. I asked Colin to walk her over, still not convinced she wasn’t coming right back home. Forty five minutes later at the prearranged time, home came a happy little Ella with a proud mommy to meet her at the door. The fact that it was the Flint’s house is not to be overlooked as they are our second family. However, I took this as a huge notch in her belt that she feels a degree of trust and comfort that she has a permanent family and home to come back to. This was a milestone in our adoption journey. On this day my baby walked. Just happens the baby is 3 ½ years old and that she walked next door.

HOME!

Day Twelve and our last day in the hospital!! After a final chest x-ray, we received news that Ella can come home. Relief, excitement, thankfulness and exhaustion are just a few of many feelings today. We can’t wait to get home and back to our family’s normal way of life. We will all be under one roof again this evening and sleeping in our own beds. Praise God for revealing himself through this whole process – from Ella’s adoption referral, bringing Ella home and now for the healing of her little body. To say we are amazed is an understatement. We could not have done this without strength and an understanding that was beyond our capabilities. To God be the glory.
Ella and Colin were full of smiles as we packed up the hospital room. They laughed and Colin took Ella for several red wagon rides around the floor. Ella couldn’t wait to put on her own clothes and take off the remaining wires. Ella walked from the main lobby entrance all the way to the parking garage and to our car without needing to be held. Wow! About half way to the parking garage I found myself thinking, Ella should need to be held any moment. I was waiting for her to step in front of me and hold up her arms as her little body couldn’t endure any more of the physical activity. That didn’t happen… Not even after a HUGE surgery and being bed-bound for 11 days did she even stop to catch her breath. I didn’t realize how much we all had adjusted to her limitations. Not anymore. My mommy heart rejoices at the fact that she will be able to run, take long walks, and keep up with her brother and sister now. What a gift. Paul and I are already talking about our next trip to a state park and that we will only have to carry one child.
Well, the Hammond family is officially back to normal. Ella just had a three year old fit complete with the throwing of something on the floor, screaming and crying. She is sitting in time out. While it will grow tiresome, it is music to my ears right now. Welcome home, Ella.

Do I dare say we had a good evening last night… well, we did. There was minimal whining and crying. We played with stickers and talked and it was SO nice. She really didn’t even complain too much when I announced it was time for bed. Where is my little girl and what have you done to her!! I loved every moment and I don’t know about her, but I needed that.
Guess what – I am the only person in Ella’s hospital room at the moment. Ella, Colin, Carleigh, Daddy and Grandma Maje are all in the playroom on our floor. About an hour ago they took out all three chest tubes!! She looks great and has been all over the room. Ella needs assistance as she isn’t steady on her feet yet but it is so nice to see her up and about. The change of scenery in the playroom is very welcome. The end is in sight. Maybe home on Tuesday or in my dreams even tomorrow?
For now we are all enjoying being together and having our Ella back and whole. Praises to God.

Get me the heck out of here!!!!!!

Day Nine – we have been moved up to the heart center on the forth floor. This is good news and means Ella continues to do better. However, we miss those ICU nurses  The doctor was just in and stated all looks good for no pacemaker but they want to continue to watch her to make sure. That isn’t a problem since we can’t go anywhere. The chest tubes are still in place and draining. Two of the chest tubes have slowed down considerably but the third is still about the same as it was after the surgery. They placed a PICC line yesterday and removed her IJ. That didn’t go over so well. Chalk it up to one more traumatizing event for the little girl.
Ella is needy. Whining seems to be her main source of communication these days. It is already hard to understand her and the whining adds a whole new dimension to the art of translation/interpretation. Being the mean mom that I am, I made her take her own bites of food this morning. While in the ICU she couldn’t feed herself because they had a line in her left arm with a board to help keep it in place. She let me know in no uncertain terms that she wanted me to feed her today. I assured her she is capable and the nurse in me came out with firm encouragement for her to do this herself. You would have thought I was torturing her (as is the case most of the day) but she did indeed feed herself. In light of this whole experience, yet another miracle 
Paul and I continue to take turns spending the night at the hospital. We are the only constants for her and we feel it is important that she doesn’t feel abandoned. I’ve lost track of time – is it 9 or 10 weeks that she has been home? Sometimes it feels like she has always been here. Other times when we struggle to communicate I am keenly aware that this is all new to her. There is a fine balancing act of love, guidance, instruction, and correction of this feisty three year old. She keeps us on our toes.
I missed Ella’s feisty side yesterday when she was given oral medications. She has been taking medicine since she has been awake. Always with whining, but she has taken it. Yesterday for Paul she took the first medicine into her mouth, paused and it looked as if she might get sick. She then wiggled her way over to the side of the bed and spewed the medicine all over the floor. Paul was concerned at first that she had thrown up until he noticed there wasn’t anything except medicine on the floor. He corrected Ella and tried to hold back the laughter. As I write this Ella has been whining and crying nonstop for the past hour - honestly! She doesn’t even know what she wants or needs except to be out of here. She has asked for and been given stickers, coloring book, TV turned on and none of it makes her happy. I offered to color with her and she barked at me so I’ve retreated to my corner of the room in hopes she may fall asleep. I find it mind boggling that she can keep up the moaning/crying nonstop. She is making me tired!! Paul and the other two kiddos are on their way up to the hospital so I will be able to share her joy with others  Please feel free to come experience it for yourselves.

Recovering

Day Five in the hospital. Ella is no longer intubated and is only on 0.5 liters of oxygen per nasal canula with oxygen saturation in mid 90’s. Her blood pressure is finally increasing and seems to be holding for the past 12 hours. She is on 3mcg/kg/min of dopamine down from 6 this morning. Foley was removed. The continuous lasix drip was discontinued and now scheduled IV every 12 hours. Ella’s heart rhythm is 100% paced and I would expect a permanent pacemaker to be placed in the next couple of days. Her underlying rhythm is complete heart block. Ella has been sick today, bringing up the meals she ate yesterday. No appetite today at all. They just made her NPO – nothing by mouth for the time being.
Ella is mad and will nod her head “yes” when asked so. She is very withdrawn. For the most part she has chosen to be mute. The only real sounds she has made in the past 24 hours are crying and screaming when given oral medication. Colin is lying in bed with her right now playing with bendaroos. Even Colin hasn’t gotten a smile from her sweet little face today.
It is hard to see her this way. I’ve tried coloring, tv, laying in bed with her and rubbing her head, reading books, singing, short crafts, leaving her alone and nothing seems to make her happy. My mommy heart hurts for her. I gave her a bath last night and put lip gloss and blush on her. A girl should always look her best even when she doesn’t feel it.
Paul and I are now taking turns at the hospital. Tonight is Paul’s shift. Visitors are welcome. It helps to pass the time 

Post Op

Ella willingly woke yesterday morning at 5am and got into the car with no questions asked. There was much cuddling and laughter for the two hours we had before she went back for surgery. She knew something was up when asked to take medication to help her relax. Within 10 minutes she was a happy “drunk” little girl and willing went back at 7:30 for the procedure. Paul and I cried and held one another and then spent the day surrounded by our LIFE Group from church – and what a lifeline they all are. There isn’t a better group of individuals out there to have shared this experience with. The support and love was flowing all day until the last person left around 8:30pm. Long day for all of us and they chose to do their part willingly and we are so thankful.
There were hourly updates regarding the surgery and Ella. It took about an hour and a half to place all lines – IJ, Art, two periph lines, ET, Foley. Surgery began at 9:10am. They took their time getting to the heart as she has scar tissue from prior open heart at 10 months of age. Then she was placed on ECMO – heart lung bypass. She was on ECMO for three hours which is a long time. Going into surgery there were three “options” for correction. We did not know until surgery was almost over which option they were able to complete. That was painful for me. Finally after much prodding, the nurse providing the updates gave up a piece of information that let me know option #1 was done!! Relief. That was the best case scenario for Ella’s long term health.
About 4pm the surgeon came out to speak with us. The first thing he said was, “She has one MESSED UP anatomy”. They accomplished what they set out to do and as precaution decided to leave the sternum open and just close the skin for the time being. This is to give the heart room in the event there is swelling. Today she will go back to have the sternum closed and pace maker wires placed. She has third degree heart block that may or may not resolve – won’t know for about a week. Her vital signs look good and she is on minimal medication support – volume, lasix, dopamine, fentanyl and a form of roc until they close her chest. The details are for my medically minded friends. Vent settings PRVC rate 24, O2 down from 85 to 50%, peep of 5. Three chest tubes with moderate serrosang output. Good urine output, clear. Warm skin and for the first time EVER pink fingernails!! The nurses had enough time to put her hair in pigtails and color and cut out letters to spell her name – that is always a good sign 
We were awarded a Ronald McDonald sleeping room in the hospital last night. The support services available in the hospital are great. Around 9pm, after making sure Ella was alright, we headed down for some rest. We awoke at 2am and called for a report on Ella and then slept through to 8am – that was much needed. We have been at her bedside ever since. Colin and Carleigh are on their way up now to see mom and dad.
Please continue to cover Ella in prayer. Your support has meant so much to us. I do not have an exact time but they think she will go back for surgery around noon today. Will continue to post updates.

God is in control!

My mind is restless but filled with praise and prayer to God. My almighty savior has covered the fear I’d been feeling. Friends, family and our life group are surrounding us with prayer, love and their availability which helps so much. So, this is the week. Wednesday brings a trip to the hospital for testing and meeting with the doctors and then Thursday morning at 6am we will arrive for surgery at Riley.
SURRENDER is not only been a theme at church recently but it is ultimately what has brought me peace about all of this. God is in control. His plan is perfect. He will watch over us and Ella and hold us close.
I think the hardest part for me about preparing for the surgery is that my flesh desperately wants to know the outcome - Now. If I only knew how this would go, would I change anything? I could plan better if I knew exactly what to expect. There is a lot of “I” in all those statements. It is not about me. It really isn’t about Ella, though the experience will be uniquely hers. It is about God. It is allowing Him to be in the driver seat. It is about trusting He is big enough to cover all. It is about surrender to God.
It is my pleasure and honor to love and raise Ella Jia. However, I do not hold the deed to her life and existence. I help shelter, protect and guide her precious little life but that is by the grace of God. She was entrusted to us by God. She is a gift from Him for us to watch over while we are together on this earth. But she IS His.
The past couple of weeks I find myself soaking Ella up. She runs with her shoulders high. She speaks new words and sentences at a rate I can’t fathom. I love hearing her voice. She wants to do everything by herself and in most cases would be capable. She is a quick learner and very cleaver. Regardless of how tired, when asked, she will announce repeatedly and with authority “Jia not tired.” When we sit down to pray at a meal she is the first to bow her head and put her hands together. She “practices” her English with me. Daily we have a session where she runs through all the new things she has learned by repeating them to me, seeking my approval. She gets so excited to go and greet Carleigh after her sister wakes. The girl is obsessed with school! That is all she wants to do and I what I hear about all day. “Ella no go to school. Colin go to school. Colin seven. Ella no seven. Ella school when seven.” She loves to sing and immediately chimes in with her own version but always to the tune. She continues to use the Chinese word for airplane. I secretly encourage and hope that an airplane is always a “fei ji” in our household.